Simply Dreaming
In a Quandary with Your Dream?
Frequently Addressed Quandaries 
with Sarah Edwards

If your quandary isn’t addressed below, e-mail us and we will notify you when your reply has been posted.

FAQ’s:  

How Do I Know Whether to Give Up or Keep on Going?
I ’ve Lost My Spirit. I Can't Find My Dream
My Spouse Doesn’t Share My Dream
Am I Living a Lie or Holding on to a Dream?

 Q: How do I know whether life is trying to tell me that I'm on the wrong track and need to give up my dream or whether I just need to be persistent and keep going toward  my goals? 

 A: Usually our dreams will be tested again and again. Each test presents new challenges to our resolve and strengthens our belief and commitment, shows us changes we need to make in our direction or approach or calls upon us to reach deeper into ourselves to tap into new talents and greater courage. Many times along the way, we may feel like abandoning our dream and we must acknowledge that this is always an option.

Honestly consider this option in your situation now. Do you want to give up this dream? Now that you know more about the journey it requires, is it still one you want to pursue? If you consider this choice honestly, your heart will tell you the answer over the following hours, days or weeks. If, like inner compass, it keeps pulling you back to the dream, if you continue yearning for it, you will know you must proceed and that knowledge will inspire and motivate you to find and take the next step and the next and the next.

 Q: I feel like I’ve lost my spirit. I can't find my dream. I’m a single parent. All I do is work either at home or on my job. It feels like there is no time or energy left for me at the end of the day. I love my kids and I like my job, but I’m afraid I have ruined my life, because I have no life.

 A: You haven’t ruined your life. And you haven’t lost your spirit; it’s just trying to talk to you! Your pain isn’t a sign that you’ve taken the wrong path. It’s a message that you that you must move on. At one time, you must have dreamed of being married and having children. That dream came true and then it changed. I don’t know whether this change was your choice or not, but that dream ended, leaving you  with the need to dream again. Right now, you are resisting the new dream that wants to be born. That’s the source of your pain. It’s begging you to be expressed.

 I don’t know what your reasons for resisting are, but I would guess that it’s because you don’t think you have other options than to live your life the way you are and that you think you are trapped. The way out if to begin to dream again and to take your attention away from all the reasons you can’t follow those dreams. If you welcome your dreams and give your imagination free range, you will begin to find ways to work them into the fabric of your life.

Q: My spouse doesn’t share my dream. My dreams have changed since we were married and we are no longer on the same track. Do I have to choose between my relationship and my dream?

  A: Hopefully not. In all   truthfulness, you may have to make such a choice, but don’t rush to that point until you have made every effort to bridge your dreams. Have you talked with your spouse about not only the dream you want to pursue, but also why it’s important to you? Have you found out why he or she doesn’t support you in this dream? Do you know his or her dreams? Can the two of you brainstorm ideas for how to support each other’s needs at this point in your marriage?

             Now that we are living so much longer and have so many more options, it’s only natural for couples to develop new dreams over the course of a lifetime. It will most likely happen many times if we’re listening to our inner compass. One of the wonder things about having a partner in life is that you can support each other through making your dream transitions. Paul and I have done that for one another again and again.

             Unfortunately sometime we marry without realizing that each of us will change many times over the course of a marriage, and if we don’t anticipate this, we will be surprised to discover that we’re married to someone quite different from the person we chose.

             Dreaming is tandem is a new skill we must learn to master if we want life-long partnerships. If you and your spouse are willing to try to find ways to encourage and nurture each other’s dreams, you’re chances are good you’ll find a solution. If not, then you will be faced with a choice.

 Q: Am I living a lie or just holding on to my dream? I heard an expert talking about integrity on a television talk show. She said that we’re out of integrity if we try to give an impression about who that isn’t absolutely true. Well, truth is I’m struggling, barely making ends meet, but I have grand dreams and I’m working toward them. But if I present myself as the struggling person I am right now, no one takes me seriously. I get a much better reaction when I put on an image that’s closer to the person I hope to be. To be true to myself, must I give up trying to show people who I could be?

 A: Absolutely not! We manifest our dreams by moving into them first in our minds and then in our behavior. We must project our future as if it were real while it is still but a fantasy. You can’t become an excellent artist, for example, until your plunge into the world as if you were an excellent artist. Your first forays will probably fall short of excellence and be a poor match for your dreams, but only by projecting them into the world as best we can, can we refine them until they are in fact our best.  

             Talk show guest you heard was most likely over generalizing. She may have been referring to certain situations like living in an abusive relationship and pretending to the world that you’re happily married. Pretending you are living your dream in lieu of working toward actually living it is quite different from pretending you’re living a dream as a trial run at doing the real thing.

             From what you say, you are getting as close to projecting your dream as you can within the limits of your existing reality and you’re using that projection to move yourself closer and closer to your dream. As you are already experiencing, the more convinced you become that you are the capable, successful person you seek to be, the more easily you will convince others and your success will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

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